Thursday, December 22, 2016

2016 - light

I said I would continue this Thursday of last week, but I already knew I wasn't going to. I wanted to talk about summer and after 5 months, I am still not sure if I'm emotionally ready to describe how much that season made up this year, how it made me, how it was in general. I live to say I was better off 5 months ago but that would be selfish and unrealistic. 5 months ago, I was sliding barefoot down a muddy, less traveled path, to sacred places that became home. 5 months ago I had people I could talk to about everything, and even scream, sorry mom, I tell you everything but not in excruciating detail because lord knows what you would say.

I'm going to be honest, my last post was weak writing, and my writing is really weak at the moment, but when I think of the humid weather, and swaying greenery of summer, my hands scribble a work of art in my cherry notebook and what I want to share with you today - I keep delaying this with a terrible intro okay ready set go.

My overly-hyped life changing season, began with a bike ride to the grocery shop. My ruby red stallion and shredded blue jean shorts have been everywhere but this was just the beginning of it. I took all the ingredients to the kitchen and whirled up a feast - chicken caesar pitas - for my bats (randy and friends is what we call it.) But like my mom shares multiple times, when you take the time to make your food for everyone, you can barely eat it yourself. Instead I found myself in a very cute park, with a city skyline, going for a walk because I was tumbling to Kelela's "Rewind" a little tipsy from champagne - sorry again mom -  I tried to water down with blood orange Sanpellgrino: a good combo, however, I don't even drink so that's when it all thunderstorms, literally. We went to a trendy ice cream shop where I was light headed and really wasn't ready to spend money on one scoop of unconventional mixes. On the way home the clouds took over the jewel blue, and rained. I said bye to my best friend for 2 weeks as she headed to Europe - and napped away the pain of the thought of having no one to choose my Instagram pictures as well as the fancy green bottle that made it hard to have a leveled head.

I napped for 3 hours and was sick for 3 days, I am also 18 in 9 days and legal to do this now, probably shouldn't.

But why does this even matter, because the next few weeks, I really didn't expect to have the fun I would with out my bff - no offense to all my faves but you know how Cindy and I are. But instead it was very pleasant and just the beginning (this is getting very corny :*) but summer was about a greater appreciation for what you can do with out big bucks, a camera, copious amounts of water, and good people.

This post is going to be long, but I wanna talk about the water. I went to three waterfalls this summer and like the droplets falling over, i fell in love with it. It was only two but it was a refreshment. I slid down a mud hill into dirty lake water and galloped around during my afternoons, under the currents shooting away (photos of course). Every day was new, looking up, looking down, squinting into the sun beams. Each waterfall felt like a sacred place. I was always covered in mud and soaked in possibly death ingested river water, but it was like my summer "thing." Long days in the sun, sometimes bare foot, getting hit by who knows what kind of weeds and plants, crawling and climbing into spaces I could possibly fall over; then ended with either a good joe, a bug bite and the sunset.

I love the sun a lot, it makes the water sparkly, and when your giggling or dancing or riding in the car with the wind in your strands it's like,,,,, unreal. Summer didn't feel real, summer was so quick. Every time I catch myself in bed late or at my desk at work thinking of summer it feels like a dream. I think about the little pieces I've adored that add up to this bigger picture of just 3 months. Three months of "final" youth, three months of who I claim "the best and the only people I'll ever meet," three months of sunshine, burning through me like the energy and memories. I will never forget trying to skateboard on a kid shredder after chugging down painful champagne, or how my newly made bff (while Cindy was gone) blonde locks glowed in the golden hour as we crossed an overly patriotic bridge - literally rows of aMERICA flags, or how D and I climbed a tree and talked about our dreams, or how Randy sings, or how Meghan laid out on my empty bedroom floor, or how Jerusa texted me from the other car telling me to stop staring at the boy on the street "HES NOT CUTE," or how Sky and I swam till dawn and of course every other day with Cindy - I keep mentioning her, she is life, she is god, she is bff.

Like the sun, my friends light runs deep into the day, but always return. I lost some people and stuff during the summer - my clothes, my blue denims now too small and covered in mud, and furniture included - but the fun I had, the people I spent it with, the pictures, the letters, the laughs, brought self-exploration and life appreciation. I felt whole in the end and don't know how I made it 5 months with out the rays hit so strong.

I'm learning more today, but I learned so much this summer. It was important and I can't wait for the next, I wish life could be like it all the time, but unfortunately, you gotta get through reality which is okay because again, I have good people and good memories that are way permanent. True happiness and my best self is in the summer, and I am working towards that all the time.